by Carolina Bello May.
In this visual and performative poem, Carolina seeks to rewrite her memory about a landscape that was her home until the day it became the scene of a traumatic loss.
2093 days have passed since I was here.
In my last memory everything in this place discomforted me:
the sound of the waves mixed with crying,
the sand beneath my feet,
the awkward silence,
the strangers’ looks
the clouds going by,
the almond tree’s leaves rustling in the wind,
my skin burning,
and your hands, your feet, and your body resting still on the sand.
In my mind
Everything there was pain.
Everything there was darkness.
Everything there was silence.
2093 days ago I saw him for the last time.
After it being house, neighborhood, home…
In just minutes millions of memories abandoned me that day.
2093 days ago.
Today I see him and I feel nothing
Neither discomfort nor affection nor desire.
A feeling of indifference invades me.
He is no longer house, nor memory, nor discomfort.
His sound no longer scares me, but his force still intimidates me.
The almond tree no longer sounds. Now it is silence.
The sun no longer burns.
And the sand no longer hurts.
Could it be that I forgot you?
Perhaps not everything in nature is joy
2093 days were needed to realize you are no longer here.
Playa Hermosa, Costa Rica
Published in November, 2020
Volume 4, Issue 5